I have seen that meme so many times, and I always say YUP that’s totally me. But the other day I realized that other people don’t know that’s me. They just know what I have told them. And I know they don’t believe me, so here is the truth:
When I was invited to things over the years, I would make up some excuse of reasons that I couldn’t come. Some were really lame, I know they probably rolled their eyes, and some of them have probably assumed I just don’t really like them. Many of the invites have stopped. I know that makes hubby disappointed. He wants to go places but my anxiety made it so that I didn’t want to go.
Sometimes I would just say I was feeling sick. That wasn’t a lie. Thinking about going made me sick. Thinking about telling them I couldn’t go made me sick. Basically from the moment I got invited to something whenever it crossed my mind or the person crossed my mind I would be sick. The night before I couldn’t sleep. I would have stress nightmares. Then the day of the event I couldn’t breath, and I would be sick to my stomach. I would just be full panic mode. If I did go I would hide in the bathroom sick to my stomach, and having everyone be upset with me because why would I come if I was sick.
I know now that I should’ve just said “I am sorry, I have so much anxiety about this whole thing.” And then have a conversation about it. I also should’ve visited my doctor before to get the medications I needed to make functioning more possible.
Now I just need to show people that I really do want to go to things when they invite me.